June 17, 2012
Father Knows Best: or Does He?
By: Monica Macha
Fathers have a mystical presence of power surrounding
them. They are born with the
warrior and the knight archetype.
It is their birthright. Lurking in the background of this powerful
birthright is the playful boy.
Hidden in the playful boy is a heart filled deep with
sensitivity and romance.
I love learning about men. I treasure the analogy of the warrior and the knight,
because it gives me insight into the behaviors of the men I adore.
When I pay attention, and listen to the men in my life I
receive glimpses into their complexity.
This complexity is comprised of their mystical power, playful boy, and
sensitive man.
I endured the unbearable loss of my own father at the age of
10. This loss shattered the framework
of my safety, and my trust in the male archetype. The event surrounding my
father’s death is violent. The
violence of his death lingers in a surreal reality left in the recess of my
mind.
It took many years for me to heal the damage in my own psyche
about men, if I could trust them, and if I could trust my own feelings about
them. It took marrying “my dad”
and losing him again, for me to alter my perspective on loving men, and loving
me. I healed my heart through
faith and hard work.
In God’s great wisdom I am blessed with two exceptional
males who are still boys, with one on the cusp of entering manhood. They teach me daily about the male
archetype, the glory of its gift, and the weight of its responsibility. I remain wary of the grown men I have
loved. I continue to love them, as
I love me with an open heart, and a spirit of admiration.
I struggle with men who have not been initiated into the rights
of manhood. The initiation of a
boy into manhood through the experience of healthy male role models in their
lives is imperative. This age old initiation impacts their ability to enter
fully into themselves, and the relationships they will experience throughout
their lives.
This made me question my fathers, father, whom I did not
care for or trust as a child. It made me question my ex-husbands father whom I
did not care for or trust, as a grown woman. The irony between these two unrelated men is the experience
of their lives. The similarity in
their destructive psychological pain, exhibited in the external destruction of
themselves and their families.
I choose to honor my ex-husband and the other grown men in
my life, who were not fully initiated into manhood by a healthy father, coach,
minister, or relative. I want my
feminine energy to be a balm of love for them. I remain diligent in my quest to raise my sons to be
exceptional and fully matriculated men.
I remain diligent in the journey of self-love, so that I
might create and attract a healthy exceptional man to share my flight with.
Monica Macha.
